1. 静かに心が死んだ2
2. A Quiet Death of the Heart: Gentle Stagnation
When I woke up in the morning, I thought I saw Samsa sitting in the corner of the ceiling. But it wasn’t him. It was a quiet spider, with long legs and about the size of a fist. The first time I noticed it, it was a dark shape clinging to the wall. I felt a slight chill, but it just silently stared back at me.
Before we knew it, we started calling the spider “Jiro.” He was an uninvited pest who had sneaked into our home, yet slowly we grew fond of him for quietly taking care of the other intruders.
Half-asleep, caught between dream and reality, I glanced at the clock and suddenly jolted awake. “We’re late!” Ryohei and I, who had been sleeping until the last minute, grabbed a T-shirt and jeans from a pile of laundry and rushed out the door without even looking in the mirror.
I loved the twenty-minute drive from home to work. The early morning air still held the scent of night, and beyond the tunnel, the sea spread out dazzling in the light. The color of the sea changed daily. I only began to be touched by it after quitting games.
Our days gradually shifted. On the way home from work, we’d cross a mountain pass to buy CDs in the neighboring town, fuss over how our hamburgers were cooked, and on weekends, blend in with tourists to savor the best curry bread. These were small changes, but they felt like a different kind of time from before.
Yet those tiny changes eventually became routine, and the thrill faded. The town’s only convenience store, limited sightseeing spots, familiar bread and coffee — even the places we spent weekends slipped into patterns.
One morning, a voice on the car radio said, “The countryside is nice, but living there… well, you know.” That “well, you know” suddenly stuck in my chest. The sea was blue today, too. But that was all.
Weekday nights started to feel empty, so I decided to restart an old hobby — blogging. I named the blog and typed “Hello my friend” in the description. My first post in a long while still carried traces of my old gaming blog style. Few know that my gaming blog used to rank high in the blog charts.
First post, August 9, 2006
Title: Today is Hug Day
Since leaving Final Fantasy, I hadn’t realized how busy and fulfilling life had become. I started this new blog today. It’s Hiro. August 9 is Hug Day — our wedding anniversary. Two years have passed.
Amid a pounding headache, the date changed before I noticed... The day was over as I worked. Well, that’s about it.
The moment I hit “publish,” my fingers twitched slightly. But I acted as if nothing had happened and took my hand off the mouse.
The words I desperately told myself — that my days were fulfilling — lay there in vain on the pale monitor.
When I looked up at the ceiling, there was Jiro again. Not Samsa, but somehow that strangeness was similar.
Outside, the midnight sea lay deep and quietly asleep. Inside me, something nameless quietly began to awaken. But I was still in that drowsy haze.